8.10.11

南方舞厅: 準備鬧交


那些市民在公眾地方互罵互片的事件無日無之, 但來來去去都是發生在各式車廂內,八婆八公無意義街市式吵嘴, 而且都是粗口橫飛, 或者來來去去都是說那三兩句,重覆又重覆, 沒甚麼看頭。

鬧交其實最能反映一個人的急才,有水準的你一言我一語是要經過長時間訓練, 一場有觀賞性的爭執需要雙方配合,隨隨便便在街上很難會遇到有質素的對手。
但就算有急才也會因為情緒的波動而影響發揮, 所以有些情況應該及早籌謀,選定一些情況, 狠狠的鬧抵鬧者, 例如:
表演進行期間有人高聲說話。
我: shhhh
佢(對方反殊,跟朋友說) shhhh  殊我哋喎。
我:唔係呀 ,點會係殊你哋呀?你哋膊頭上面嗰兩個老人家講嘢好大聲呀, 靜少少啦。
睇演唱會, 不是全場大合唱的時候跟隨歌手引吭高歌。
我: 小姐, 你介唔介意完騷至去唱K
佢: 做咩?睇演唱會唔俾人唱歌架而家?
我: 你話呢?你睇戲會唔會起身做場戲呀?睇醫生會唔會做醫生呀?睇牙會唔 會做牙?睇數會唔會做數呀?
在戲院被後面的人不斷用腳踢椅背。
我: 唔該你停止踢張椅得唔得?
(不出兩分鐘, 再踢)
我: 唔該你唔好再踢
佢: 我邊有踢你呀!
我:(作打電話狀) 喂, 叫邊個邊個攞定隻假腳喺門口等我, 係呀!女裝, 右腳啦, 37號。
閃電式搶奪別人讓予孕婦的座位
我 : 先生, 你有咗幾多個月呀?仔定女呀?改咗名未呀?你覺得BB有便便緊 要定腦部發育緊要呀?親子國王開咗戶口未呀?你知唔知懷胎十月好辛苦架?你仲唔起身?
以下是推介, 他日遇上這個情況, 記緊要這樣回應。
佢: @﹠#﹪*﹠我DIU 你老母!
你:(不慌不忙) 大家咁話啦!

6.10.11

苹果的心

他的逝世,绝对比当时击毙奥萨马更加震撼。
至少这位奇才概括的,是从3岁到80岁,应该说,只要是手掌可以提取东西的算起比较贴切。
我不是苹果迷,没有爱步爱屁爱他痴,现在顺应生活圈子所需有了个爱疯也疯不到哪里去。人或物的存在,只为谋事。世界认为是他创造了世界,或许是这个世界让他顺应轨道很好的阐释了20世纪的语言。一颗巨星的坠落,也是在为另颗创造时机降临。无论先前他怎么的改变你的生活,你说不对,是生命。随便。之后的,无论是看似苹果还是握如香蕉,不去比较少来烦心,可以学到他外表从一而终,内心宽阔无边的,是智者。

18.9.11

搁置

东西买回拿回来,突然想到有什么要忙,就会先搁在一旁,有时候是放那几小时,有时候三五天,也有三五年的。身边就有这么的例子。上一年新年去拜年,他们家那样东西搁在那儿,今年去到还是在那边放着。所以每逢去到这间家,进屋叫人后就是望一望,还在吗?还想说如果搭个单子旁边放颗石头或小卡片,明年是否桃花依旧?好像小时候的那对青梅竹马,写下个小小愿望放进小铁罐埋在一起种植的一棵幼苗下,明年来看看达成了没有。

买回来的东西,有的没的一大堆,用的洗的吃的穿的,通常都不会搁太久,除了书。

书从一开头翻就一直赞到尾的,不多。所以看来看去还是那几个作家。你说这不行,要看看李敖,看他怎么骂你怎么笨蛋;要看看龙应台,我有看啊,他的《回家》就搁着,为什么会搁着呢?她的 《大江大海1949》我又好像还没到那个境界。要看看村上春树,人家的IQ84红到,我就觉得像我12岁时看《阿飞真传》一样,狗屁不通 那你到底要买什么书?你问。可遇不可求的书,不是买不到,而是等了很久才有这个机会。这个机会面世。和你等某牌子的一支钢笔、手表,一样。

新书,有些人会一口气把它看完,就好象13年前坐在隔壁的女同学手上捧着那本《三个A CUP的女人》。两年前北京十月文艺出版重新包装的张小娴系列,第一本就买了那本当年红到去form 5 班的小说。回家三个小时后啃完。原来这三个A CUP是这样的。现在呢,忘了。爱情小说武侠小说就是这样,可以重看很多次,讲究的是细节,有时连情节也记不得。

盼了好久的书,终于在出国前,书局致电来说到了。从登机到现在,没有一口气把她看完。两个月前买的新书,半搁置状态,不是不赏心悦目,而是不舍,当快要被翻阅到接近尾声的时候。

说是不舍,人还是会有点善忘。尤其有了另一本同样也盼了好久的书。不舍的通常只是那些零零散散的片段,不是当时一头栽入时的那股澎湃和高潮。可以搁置很久,不舍的,除了书,还有人家客厅角落的那样东西,埋在小树下的秘密,种种问题,人。

17.9.11

卖鸡饭的名字

月饼和印度煎饼,没有说哪一个比较好吃。人的矛盾和痛苦,自有比较和选择而始。为什么是月饼,不是梳打饼豆沙饼。有时候写东西也要应节一下,本意就是想要让自己好过一些,虽然闻不到月饼香还可以忆一下文章。

今天又吃了两片Chapatti,不是吃腻不腻或者是好不好吃的问题,是就好象没什么选择,档口玻璃框望进去还剩下鸡胸肉几片,就来碟鸡饭,一样。可是人家的名字可以是Chapatti,就不会有华人姓陈叫鸡饭,就算是个家里卖鸡饭的。最多叫鸡饭王,或鸡王,也是匿名或招牌之类,不会是报生纸NAMA那一栏里的。

不懂是不是当年有个叫Chapatti的创造出那个不知道要叫什么,最后以他自己的名字命名的东西。到后来,人们就以这名来纪念当年的那个很有创意的Chapatti,完全与今天下午盘中的那两片圆圆薄薄的东西无关。说回鸡饭,家附近就有一档很好吃的鸡饭。别以为说那人身形纤瘦白晰鼻梁架个眼镜,就让人感觉比较秀气。那完全是因为手上提的是本书加个highlight pen,不是拿把菜刀加个沾板。走上前去order ,看你永远是鼻孔朝着你,像是因为常年对着沾板,抬头时眼珠子也很难提得上来。那种pattern ,通常我们叫“拦屎”。这字怎么来,无从考究。香港人也这么说吗?因为只有广东话才是韵味的关键。喜欢这个字,纯粹是音调的问题,任何一种方言语文只要是可以阐释出这种大摆高傲姿态的,也只有拦屎最可爱最耐听。

所以,那卖鸡饭的,也可以叫拦屎仔鸡饭。好听。

2.9.11

不就是一件长袖衣

又问又形容地比手划脚,要的就是这种长袖衣,和普通上班衬衫的质感差不多,或要厚一些,类似外套,又比外套还要薄一些。女人,都差不多是这样的说出形容出她们要的东西。

店里小姐眼定定的对了你几十秒,然后摆出的那副“挽吉”样,这种不懈的回应是完全可以理解,但是如果没有那丁点的 support 你们家的东西,也不会走进认为只有在这才会找得到的稀有品种。

要比一般外套薄的,大多都是麻布材质。才把手臂穿过一边的袖子半边肩膀都还没拉过,身体就开始发痒,和以前那些孝子孝女办丧事身上穿的麻衣感觉一样。买得到一件称心如意的质感的衣服,很讲缘分,再加上要是自己钟爱的沉沉的灰蓝色,真要是严重到当家产都不会要当它。而且买布料多的衣服,好处是,真要是他妈的那么倒霉被勾破被沾了酱料颜色之类,改衣服的店子多的是。不过经验之谈,强调沟通。除非改衣服的,是目前,或是过气的服装界的保证。

现在买的面包,标好日子的还是提早过期,“保证”就好像文原文里的字眼一样,不管用。人家宜家就是保证。人家三星就是保家。人家说的。

讲的本来就是渴望已久的一件棉质薄外套。不是服装界的保证,不是买电器买家私的保家。

picture: sarahklassen.com

31.8.11

九年

九年,有多长?一棵橡胶树刚能取胶液不久,油棕树才结第二次的果。

那一个人的九年呢?像是坐飞机从亚洲飞往地中海的里数,还是骑着脚踏车从新加坡Changi直上寮国,或再远一些?其实说长也不长,还不到半辈子的时间,英年早逝的不算。具体知道目的地,看得到成果的,费上九年,是个代价,用来交换的是时间。

生活,如果没什么选择余地,就是工作休息工作还是工作,为自己为别人,没有一道可以理清的线条。有那么的一刻,可以突然停顿下来, “回首”是个很沧海桑田的字眼。九年,赔上了时间,脚下站的却不是自己九年前所设下的目的地,那是什么样的feel

历了九年人生的朋友,你现在脚下踩的,是不是你所欣慰的湿润的土地?

要感谢这突来的一击,让自己有个转涙点,然后欢喜迈向第十个年头。要欢愉你有这一个能够停顿下来的机会。要欣慰你接下来的第十年是个不一样的第十年。这不一样的地方,就是当你在第十一年的时候,回首,特别令你怀念的不是那先前9年的岁月,因为你开始模糊,而是那365天你每天呼着吸着的感觉。

你得到的,不是命运,是机会。和你面前的那一叠百万富翁的卡牌一样,你刚翻的,是机会。香港TVB在马新港地创下非常火红的一句话,人生有几多個十年?你的第十年,将不再一样。天堂地狱,一念之间。祝福你。

29.8.11

等到花儿也谢了

intro或歌词不是主角,也不是唱的那位。是经常有人在你耳边提的七言句,是将要过期花生酱、烂番茄和石头面包。

面包饼干每片进嘴前都涂上一滩,满嘴花生酱黏得嘴巴张不开,没有满足感,刷牙还刷很久。一边刷还是觉得牙刷的发明是针对塞在牙缝硬的花生粒软的番茄皮,不是黏的花生酱。突然明白为什么“屎桥”叫屎桥,因为很多都是在如厕时想出来的妙点子。不过我应该不会去搞发明。

番茄煮菜每样都加一些,这盘煮得太透,那盘就清脆些,不过古董型煤气炉煮出来的东西通常都是一样大的火气。捧出厨房每样菜都红冬冬,像过年人家门前富贵花树上的小红包。送进嘴巴却却没有什么新年的气氛,像是要过期的鸡粉,每样菜都洒上些,猪扒鱼汤也有鸡味。

手掌般大的面包,不正常,因为就是还在变声带中的小男孩手掌,风吹两下可以拿来当盘子。冰箱大的好处就是收容一些食之无味弃之可惜的东西,包括新欢,因为它们的旺盛期和去留决定权,在于主人每日的心情和那股眷恋。有了一包比我家男人手掌大的面包,涂了一层厚厚的花生酱,铺一层切片的番茄,最后的芝士片上洒上石头面包糠。这种创意,每天上演,直到屋外尤加利树的花儿也谢了。

这边的尤加利树,本来就没有花。

27.8.11

红眼 vs 眼红

两者当中绝对有不一样的地方,要不然为什么要把字倒转来念。不过两样都算种病,一个是外来细菌入侵,一个是心态。

拿睫毛膏来说,半眯眼划两划,睫毛夹按一按,之后字眼话题来来去去也不就是持久,又长又弯,自然,防水,价钱。女人。是真的有点没什么新意的接受心态,不过如果人家前一句赞美后一句欣赏,做人还是谦虚为本谢谢的字眼通常是百听不厌。口是心非或鹤立鸡群的,会是有另番见解又或各自修行道不同,不然一般人都称他们是眼红。不明白为什么要用红,刺眼不舒服的颜色还有一大堆,除了脸青青,面黄黄,黄脸婆等已被某一阶层约定俗成之外。

睫毛膏过了期,是上个礼拜的事,因为还没枯成外面盆栽里头的干泥。再勾勾划划,没有红眼。回到叽叽喳喳的茶水间,眼红,继续;红眼,蓄势待发。

15.7.11

付得起的代价?

媒体攀爬篱笆柱高墙翻找垃圾只为拿得第一手热辣辣新闻,不是新鲜事。你说我家清廉不干此下等之事那当然自有其他同行可以出奇制胜满足社会人人都有似乎多或少的偷窥心理。如果媒体可以大字排开出版,那身为普遍消费族群,就只不过是一则社会资讯。当然如果你稍有良知绝对可以省下一块几毫杯葛不买不读,因为明天自己也可以是被窃听的对象然后给公告天下。但现在连美国除了海陆空连网络也被列入首要战地策略,对于泛涌的资讯是根本无从招架。

社会争相购买的小报,走过168年。横看科技冲刺同行竞争资讯泛滥之时,要保持忠厚处事风格清廉到家的宗旨做的生意人是少之又少,更何况内部还有两百多个等发薪等赞扬等上位的员工。百年老字号踩着三轮车卖花生糊的老阿伯,供个儿子毕业回国激进要延续家业,可以开发一家家的francaise,;也可以无视当年一箩箩有份供他去喝洋水的花生,无情地把recipe 卖人再另创新天地。
销量最高而大多是以种种不法手段获来的资讯,是老生常谈。上得山多终遇虎的道理不会不知,如今引来公愤狠批以致停刊,内部高层有没被羞辱重挫尊严不得而知,不过最后的停刊版以世界最伟大的报纸自居狂印500万份 (每期平均280万份)还和慈善团体挂钩。心思如此细腻,目前来看绝对是好事,500万英镑的善款回馈社会,真要是言出必行的话。Click Here

7.7.11

身边的人搬家装潢就会要找个人来看看风水,看什么,不懂,有看就可以。如果以后真要发生什么事情,可以少一样东西来赖。当年老爸买现在这间屋子,没听说找过什么风水师,家中发生的大事小事也没提是不是风水问题。

水不水也是看个人细想观点,不过也不是说每次出门都要算算塔罗牌查查通胜的人就要不得,因为和寂寞找个人依赖依靠的道理一样,塔罗牌可能更好,无声胜有声,还可能因此创出另一片天空。好丑命生成五个字,看得开的说是自己命水,随遇而安;激进点会要靠双手打拼创造,不要认命。

三把火的焱,和火本意义相联,火焰火苗有大有小都可燎原。可是三滩水的淼,就是不得了的浩大、淼茫。一点也不见得有那些喜事是灵验了水为财这句话,除了久旱逢甘露有过造福人群之贡献。当年那个树底桥底的“講古佬”也不晓得是不是道听途说然后来个断章取义,又或者讲到没有了点子,眼看龙王洒尿鸡飞狗走,拿来安慰路人好做收场的屎桥。

出门下大雨,走错路兜大圈还无缘无故被3唔识7的路人甲骂,我不是红颜,却老是惹来一身祸水。

8.6.11

惊喜

每天过着一成不变的生活,挤暗蒼坐厕板冲咖啡画眉选衫无言望表哎呀又迟到然后是剩下半杯热咖啡自己摊冻。偶尔来点surprise,生活都会多点feel。打球遇故知看戏吃饭成了座上客;check-in时经济舱满座被调了去坐 OSIM 按摩椅区嘬红酒;公司业绩创新高老板派息兼加薪。俗语也说人是因梦想而伟大,想想有何不可?马来西亚没台风没八号风球,除了当年有点轰动的tsunami,印尼烧芭搞到烟霾处处还是要照常上班,咳多几声拿病假还没得claim,每次的惊喜都不会喜剧收场,不如不要。

印度夏天短短三几个月,虽然不及以前在中东的50几度,但是人本来就善忘,只记今朝笑,哪里会跟自己讲:真是幸福。乌云密布吃饱饭两点像7点,家英哥又再提我:小心有雷暴,好快啲返屋企收衫!过时雨每次都下那十几分钟,大也不超过半个钟。噼噼啪啪听到有人扔石头击爆玻璃窗觅不到凶手找不到石头却看到一堆的冰雹,草坪变了白色。See, 这就是惊喜。之后就是穿着拖鞋扫冰水搞了整个小时脚趾都变了冰条。和当年姨妈到,到个个月请几日病假一样,有惊没喜。

有些惊喜,一次就够。

6.6.11

卖东西的省思

如果内容是大陆某村姑阿伯卖血不幸中爱滋,看了可能心中有些感触留有几小时阴影不过又不至于吃不下饭然后想想世上就是那么多不幸的人,能同情多少个为多少个流马尿。

这篇也是卖东西,卖得的钱不是拿来救命,不是老母衰烂赌欠大耳窿已经斩了几只手指,也不是《线人》里头要帮老豆还债。那里有那么戏剧性?不过看了还不忍不住再读多一遍,买一个如果不懂的人会叫它做烂鬼Pad的东西,真是峰回路转。

我每天对着部脑五六个小时,薪水拿回家又吃又用还可间中带个老母游船河,列出张单都还不会想到说先买个pad,每个月用的就一大堆。各个阶层,到底是那层出了问题,扭曲了整个E时代本来是互惠互利予人方便的时代。

广告打得的却很吸引人,耳目濡染,唐三藏也动真情,可是如果只有沙憎孙悟空,根本就不能成事,多了个诸多理由条条都是大道理的猪在煽风点火,还能不搞到七国大乱么?读后直感会把矛头指向科技产物,可是如果这个阿小明明确知道身体的循环系统和肾主要功能,还会不会促成这桩交易?如果说17岁人,可以当爸爸,怎么会不懂。买本4仔跟朋友换几片真人show 的光碟,当然知道怎样生仔,可是如果每一样可以列进十万个为什么的东西,可以像咸片那么畅销甚至通宵达旦研究的,仲要老师嚟把鬼咩!

5.6.11

潮流兴

近来流行什么?你会立刻想到的Lady Gaga,或许你不是真的like key 她,而是时势所催,耳目濡染下不能自制的生理反应。欣赏归欣赏,Gut屎不是人人有。她出席音乐会的牛肉装有几个会弄条出来穿出街?

整条街除了讲爱风4拼爱屁2,还流行低 B,就是智障。不能正常推理甚至丧失工作能力已经很不幸还有什么好潮?讲的是港剧。当年的阿旺真是带旺无线,余温未散。可是要讲经典还真不得不提肥猫,那才真是有血有泪。不过,明眼都可以看得出,郑则士和郭晋安背后的艰辛努力。

败家仔蒋必文反转成《鱼跃在花见》的至宝,其实还不错,至少还有点骚耳抓鼻时不时眼神呆滞不过太也自然的个人风格。《点解阿Sir唔系阿sir》我就想问点解阿sir唔叫低B Sir。这个嘚嘚地的演技从溏心风暴就一直滑下坡,还是说其实本来就是不怎么好,因为买包纸巾也讲包装。演唐白虎已经看不下去,要知道堵嘴不是靓仔弄两下就煞食。现在还要剧情离谱到当老师已经不入格还要被选做警方卧底,真是Oh My God。《花花世界花家姐》虽然没有看到预告片 , 不过看网评说是女装阿旺。看来想看她演技如何与阿安仔的耍家,多过想看她如何饰演傻逼花家姐了。

蚁民是绝对的民主,桥唔怕旧至紧要瘦。要翻旧桥,也要换版再roll 机啦大佬,换角像换纸板,编剧像编菜篮,真的当观众纯粹娱乐哈哈哈,还是白痴没分析的能力?要选择哈哈哈,我宁愿重看无厘头的星爷,就算是烂kek,也顺过坐顺风车。

23.5.11

打包

看得上眼的东西,这样讲好像有点俗,那喜欢的,价钱一旦是太高,有点高也算,就有了另一个名字,叫物质。不过会这样形容的通常都不会是想要吃喝买的那个。因为当事人肯定会指名道姓牌子编号或年份之类。

比如说,香槟我还是觉得cafe du Palais 合我意。没有的话先来杯水吧,我不要Perrier,要San Pellegrino。意大利餐厅怎么可能没有?本来还想特地来吃Salumi。不如吃寿司,除了花寿司豆皮寿司,要好像近来很Hit 的laughing 哥新港剧,有盘“日本一”握寿司当然为之最好没有也可以先上味道清淡的白身鱼的寿司,有鲔鱼最好是前腹油脂均匀的toro 部位。甜点今晚想吃巧克力,原料可可豆是Criollo、Forastero还是Trinitario呢?多少巴仙?太高我不要。没有的话随便啦,来片咸饼干,涂少许Chritine Ferber 的大黄柳橙酱上去。吃了包你中毒上瘾,你咪话我话。

种人呢永远有份坚持。身上配件要Mont blanc,运动要有那个勾的符号陪伴,电视屏道定有华丽台,冇咗阿佘没意思。对吃也一样,就好像沙拉和酱永远要分开上。看他们怎么对待事物你可能会觉得他们专一有立场,处理事情也会独当一面。这样的人很特别哦,帅呆了!可是他可能是因为不懂那个混饭吃的把沙拉酱捞到像某种半固体状态的东西看到都翻胃所以以后坚持要自己沾酱。永远抱有成见不尝试新事物的,还会令你半只脚跷起双手棒脸高喊:帅呆了?除非他是王力宏吧,像也行,我不介意其实。

S.Pellegrino人家说它是极富存在感的野性。用字眼解释了出来我都看不懂,何况是倒进喉咙。所以也有人说会吃的肯定会两笔,会写就不一定懂得吃。

时尚娱乐政治名人每天都对着好喜欢的东西,除非好像威廉凯特或者温家宝姚明那种,生活环境轮不到自己来做决定。今天换个口味,可以来碟干捞面不要过冷河走葱半肥瘦叉烧黑酱油麻油青菜随意,又或者白斩鸡要鸡二度平斩三件,太夜收完档可以考虑 Ramli BurgerSalad tak mao mayonese telur setengah masak

生活文化背景不同,自己出不到去可以使人去。我就不相信马英九想吃臭豆腐不会叫人去打包。分分钟不是打包那碟臭豆腐,是包那个卖的回来炸。

11.5.11

The Migrant’s Eye

The Migrant’s Eye

The World Bank 2011 Essay Competition finalist – Shaun Tan from Malaysia on brain drain. By Shaun Tan

‘Our young people represent the future of our country’. This phrase has been echoed by almost every politician in almost every country in modern history. However the changes instigated by the increasing ease of migration are such that not even this time-honored cliché holds the weight it once did. Young people still represent the future, but it is the future of whichever country they decide to settle in or impact, which may or may not be their country of origin. As with most changes, there are new benefits and drawbacks, and new winners and losers. Among the most pressing questions countries now face are how to prevent their young people from migrating, and how far they should go in providing for the migrants residing within their borders.

***

Exodus

Smart Indians go to med school, Smart Chinese go to investment banks, Smart Malaysians go to Singapore. - Anonymous

My first brush with migration was in 2002. My father came home one day in a state of great excitement. My father is an excitable guy. He is also an alumnus of a university in New Zealand, and he had just learned that, because of this, our family was entitled to permanent residency (PR) status in New Zealand upon fulfillment of a few (relatively minor requirements). One of the requirements was that we reside in New Zealand for at least three months over the next two years. We discussed it and decided it might be fun. We packed for summer.

Within a few weeks I was bored. New Zealand was charming enough in its own way, but it didn’t have the vibrancy of my home city of Kuala Lumpur, and I couldn’t imagine us choosing to live in this land of sheep and five o’clock closing times instead. And yet I understood why my father pushed for PR status so eagerly. He remembered the Indonesian racial riots of 1998, and he kept the pulse of rising extremism in Malaysia. If violence ever broke out in Malaysia my family would have a back door, a way out.

Later on I saw that most of my Malaysian friends who could afford it went abroad for at least part of their education. Some went to boarding schools in Singapore, Australia, and the UK. When it came to university, almost all my Malaysian friends went to Australia, the UK, or the US. The reasons they (and their parents) gave for wanting a foreign education were the same: the racial quotas in Malaysian universities, the skewed syllabi, the controls on free expression, the low standard of the Malaysian education system (apart from a few private university colleges), and the relative quality and prestige of foreign schools and universities.

At university this trend continues. Many of my Malaysian friends plan to remain overseas after graduation, or to work in Singapore. ‘Everything in Malaysia is on such a small scale,’ one of them said, ‘it can’t compare with the training you get overseas’. Some of them hope to return to Malaysia later, but only in the distant future, after earning enough money and establishing themselves in their industries. I know the power of inertia, and every year that goes by makes it less and less likely that they will return.

Asian societies have very tight family bonds. Most of my friends have parents who miss them very much, and who dislike them living far away. However, far from meeting with parental opposition, these plans have full approval: the message my Malaysian friends get from their parents and relatives is, ‘Don’t come home’.

No Brain, No Gain

Malaysia faces a brain drain crisis. Recent decades have seen the migration of many ethnic Chinese (comprising 26% of Malaysia’s population)1 and Indians (8%)2, as well as considerable numbers of Malays, the majority ethnic group (53%)3. Shamsuddin Bardan, executive director of the Malaysian Employers Federation, reported that there are 785,000 Malaysians working overseas.4 Unofficially, the figure is thought to be over a million.5 According to the World Bank the number of Malaysian emigrants has increased almost a hundred-fold in the past fifty years, from 9,576 in 1960, to almost 1.5 million in 2005.6 A parliamentary report revealed that 140,000 Malaysians emigrated in 2007.7 According to Deputy Foreign Minister Kohilan Pillay, the figure between 2008 and 2009 was 304,000.8 As of 2007, 106,000 Malaysians had renounced their citizenship.9

Many of these Malaysians go to Australia, the UK, and the US.10 About half of them go to Singapore,11 which has a GDP per capita almost four times larger than Malaysia’s12. The portion of the Malaysians who return is minimal (Prime Minister Najib Razak reported the figure to be less than 1%)13 prompting former Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad to suggest that other countries should pay Malaysia for having seduced them to stay ‘since by right, the graduates’ training and knowledge should be called intellectual property.’14. Prominent writer Mariam Mokhtar outlines the reasons given by emigrants: ‘improved employment and business prospects, higher salaries, better working environments, greater chances of promotion and a relatively superior quality of life.’15.

This has severely retarded Malaysia’s development. Malaysia continues to be the poor cousin of the Asian Tigers – Hong Kong, Singapore, South Korea, and Taiwan. Malaysia’s growth rate dropped from 9% a year, from 1991 to 1997, to 5.5% a year, from 2000 to 2008.16 Stewart Forbes, the executive director of the Malaysian International Chamber of Commerce and Industry, explained that many of Malaysia’s lost investment opportunities stem from the brain drain – because international companies had trouble finding skilled employees in Malaysia.17 ‘People have left, growth prospects have dimmed, and then more people continue to leave,’18 said Danny Quah, an economics professor at the London School of Economics and Political Science, and Council Member on Malaysia’s National Economic Advisory Council, ‘It’s a vicious cycle that the economy has had to confront for the last decade or longer.’19. The increasing ease of migration has produced new winners – countries like Singapore, Australia, the UK, and the US, who get to cherry-pick from a global talent pool. It has also produced new losers. Malaysia is certainly one of them.

***

The Malaysian Dilemma

As there are new winners and losers from migration, so too are there new benefits and drawbacks. A classroom discussion threw this debate into stark relief.

It was last year. The date was the 27th of September, the country was America, and I was in my International Relations class. We were discussing globalization, and having gone through some of its benefits, we moved on to its drawbacks.

‘Well,’ said one of my classmates, ‘one drawback is that it increases the brain drain effect and leads to greater inequality between countries. Developing countries lose a lot of the talent that they badly need.’. This received a general nodding of assent.

I raised my hand. ‘Actually,’ I asked, ‘is greater inequality necessarily a bad thing?’.

My class, accustomed by now to my mannerisms, still looked at me strangely.

‘I mean, it’s true that many developing countries end up losing their talent, but really, some of these countries bloody well deserve to lose them.’.

This created a small firestorm. From my classmates’ reactions you’d have thought I’d asked what was wrong with genocide. There were gasps. Before I could finish, a forest of hands shot up to respond. One of my classmates burst out angrily; ‘Now you’re just being facetious!’.

My professor moved to restore order. He was a kindly old man who usually let our discussions run their course. He did however step in whenever our discussions threatened to turn into a pseudo-intellectual brawl.

He turned to me. ‘I assume you said that to be deliberately provocative’ he said gently; a teacher reasoning with a difficult student.

‘No,’ I said, ‘not at all.’.

I looked at the rest of my class who now whispered amongst themselves and eyed me warily, apparently taken aback to see their (I hope) usually charming and amiable classmate say such callous things.

But to me my statement seemed as normal as breathing. And said to any reasonably informed Malaysians, it wouldn’t even have raised an eyebrow. I realized then that there were perspectives on this issue that are unique to Malaysians, and to those who have experienced similar circumstances.

Push and Pull

I’ve left a few unanswered questions over the course of this essay. Like why do loving parents tell their children not to come home? And why do many Malaysians think Malaysia deserves to lose its talented young people? Now at last is the time to answer them.

Malaysia has a lot going for it. It has much untapped potential. It is devoid of natural disasters and rich in natural resources. It is a country with warm weather, amazing food, and hot women. Its people are generally warm, friendly, and (with certain exceptions like yours truly) humble. Pull-factors like these would require considerable push-factors to trigger mass emigration.

But there’s a darker side. A side behind the strained tranquility and Malaysia Truly Asia adverts. Since its independence in 1957, Malaysia has been run by the Barisan National (BN) party, and its regime is an autocracy that institutionalizes racism. Non-Malays, including the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities, are discriminated against in favor of the majority Malays, whose support BN depends on. Malaysian laws make non-Malays pay higher prices for certain goods and services, allocate them only a small percentage of places in public universities, and impose significant barriers against their advancement in the military, police force, civil service, and in government-owned companies. The BN government persecutes minority religions, and major Malay politicians often refer to Chinese and Indian Malaysians as pendatang (immigrants), of inferior status, while the current Prime Minister Najib Razak is alleged to have threatened to ‘bathe a keris dagger with Chinese blood’.

The BN government is also very protectionist, making it even more difficult for international companies to set up business there, for example, international law firms can only operate in Malaysia by acting in partnership with a local firm. Furthermore, the BN government is both grossly incompetent and highly corrupt. Billions of dollars in public funds are squandered on cronyism20 and ill-conceived mega-projects21, instead of being properly used to develop the country. The judiciary is largely comprised of underqualified yes-men, the police force is unreliable, and the public schools and universities are of low standard, such that even Malaysia’s top university, University Malaya, has dropped out of the top 200 universities in the world on all major rankings.22

This is why loving parents tell their children not to come home. They don’t want their children to live as second-class citizens in Malaysia, where their ambitions will be limited by institutional inefficiency, where they will be passed over for promotion in favor of others, not for any lack of skill, but for the color of their skin. ‘Money does have a significant role but the most important factor…is opportunity,’ outlined Wan Saiful Wan Jan, Founding Chief Executive Member of the Institute for Democracy and Economic Affairs, ‘Malaysia is too politicized and opportunities are not evenly available to everyone,’23.

This is why Malaysians flock to Singapore, not because Singapore’s government is less despotic (it is even more so), but because the Singaporean government at least prizes efficiency, and recognizes merit regardless of race. When a Malaysian renounces his citizenship, he doesn’t see it as an unpatriotic betrayal, he sees it as washing his hands off a regime that has marginalized and persecuted him. As one Malaysian, Wan Jon Yew, explained: ‘I’m not proud of being a Malaysian because I think the government doesn’t treat me as a Malaysian.’24. Migration is beneficial because it increases efficiency; it allows young Malaysians to move to take their best offers, to move to where their ability is truly valued. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and migration helps to reduce this wastage.

Not all Malaysians mass-emigrating are Chinese and Indians. Many Malays are emigrating too. Although they do not face racial persecution, many of their reasons for doing so are the same as those of non-Malays: the corrupt and inefficient system, the lack of security and religious freedom, the quashing of free expression, human rights abuses. Furthermore, Malays face a different form of religious persecution – forced piety by the overzealous Islamic moral police. Non-Muslim Malays and Malay homosexuals are jailed or sent to ‘reeducation centers’25, and earlier this year 80 Malays were arrested for celebrating Valentine’s Day26. In light of this, Malaysia deserves to lose the talents of its young people. It doesn’t appreciate these talents; it punishes its best citizens – those brave enough to stand up for themselves, or those too principled to fake devotion to a religion they don’t believe in – and instead it rewards its worst elements – the religious extremist, the racist, the sniveling sycophant. In a sense, we as Malaysian citizens deserve to lose the benefits those talents would have brought, because through our participation or collective inaction we allow this wretched state of affairs to continue. Migration is beneficial because it allows Malaysians to leave, and to live in a country that accords them the dignity commensurate with their status as a human being.

The Open Door

The ability to migrate presents young Malaysians with an open door to the rest of the world. This is not without its drawbacks. Many of the Malaysian émigrés leave not because they are weak or cowardly, but because they are ambitious, or because they are uncompromising – they refused to take orders from those who are their inferiors, or to remain party to a system that is morally indefensible. One cannot help but imagine how much good such spirit could have done if they had no choice but to remain in Malaysia. Not necessarily by engaging in overtly political activities, but by simple apolitical acts – by living their lives in their own way, free from compromise, and refusing to curb their ambitions. As Vaclav Havel explained in his book The Power of the Powerless, such simple acts are often the most potent weapons against oppressive regimes. Thus, migration has its drawbacks – it makes it harder for Malaysia to achieve real change because it takes away some of its most spirited people.

However there are also many young Malaysians who choose to return, and who seek to bring real change to the country. People like Nathaniel Tan – a Harvard graduate, who writes books exposing the abuses of the BN regime, even if his efforts meet with harassment and detention. Or Alea Nasihin – a friend of mine, and a student at Nottingham University, who resolves to return to work as a human rights lawyer.27 Or myself. For us the open door is comforting. It gives us the courage to say or do things we might otherwise be wary of. Because it reminds us that there are limits to what an oppressive government can do. Because we know that even if our efforts harm our careers in Malaysia, even if the BN government hounds us and bars us from getting a job at any major company in Malaysia, there will always be many other places eager for our talents. It allows us to take more risks and dare greater things. The open door presented by migration therefore simultaneously hinders and helps the process of change in Malaysia.

***

Point of Origin

From a Malaysian perspective, good measures for broadening opportunities for young migrants in their countries of origin are relatively straightforward. The most obvious one is to increase meritocracy, to distinguish merit instead of race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. When each citizen is judged solely on the basis of his ability, when high standards are promoted, when the most innovative people are rewarded and encouraged, the whole country progresses and develops, creating greater opportunities for all. Nepotism and cronyism should be prohibited in all industries, so that positions and promotions go to the most able candidates. This policy should be pursued in conjunction with scholarships and financial aid for poor youths to attend schools and universities, again awarded on the basis of merit.

The other obvious measure is to liberalize. A liberal society that respects human rights provides the broadest opportunities for free expression and the free practice of religion simply because fewer things are prohibited. Laws should be enacted against the interference with an individual’s expression or religious practice, unless he harms or grossly misrepresents another person in doing so. The judiciary should be allowed to become strong and independent, so that everyone has the opportunity for a fair trial.

Meanwhile, opportunities should be given to migrants who consider returning to their country of origin. Those living overseas, but with vital skills in various fields should be invited back and offered senior positions, with PR status or citizenship offered to their families.

A fair, liberal government that rewards merit provides the broadest opportunities for its people. Measures like the Malaysian government’s Returning Export and Brain Gain Malaysia programs fail to attract young people because they make only cosmetic changes, refusing to give effect to the principles of fairness, liberalism, and meritocracy, that are the essence of true improvement of opportunity.

Destination

Good measures for broadening opportunities for young migrants in their countries of destination are relatively straightforward too. They largely consist of refraining from the policies these migrants were fleeing from in the first place. Other than some free basic language-training programs, no special privileges should be given to these immigrants, and no affirmative action policies should be implemented. Instead, these immigrants should be allowed to compete for (generally) the same opportunities as everyone else, judged on the basis of their merit, rather than race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. They should be given equal opportunity to exercise their civil rights, like the rights to free speech, association, and religious practice. Their right to marry should be recognized regardless of sexual orientation, and the continued ban on gay marriage is an instance where the US has fallen short of this standard.

However governments should be conscious of where granting formal rights in fact restricts opportunities. In Beyond Liberal Democracy, Daniel Bell contrasted Western and East Asian approaches to dealing with migrant workers. He described how migrant workers in East Asia are denied citizenship (and thus full legal protection) no matter how long they stay, while those in Western countries are able to obtain it much more easily. The result of this is that East Asian countries are able to officially admit many more temporary contract workers. Comparatively, Western countries can officially admit few migrant workers, although many more work there illegally, without any legal protections at all. ‘In the West,’ Bell explained, ‘the liberal political culture places higher priority on the justice of legal forms…In East Asia, by contrast, the authorities prefer to enact…laws that allow for large numbers of migrant domestic workers to engage temporarily in legally protected work in their territories.’28. Governments therefore should not dogmatically pursue form over substance, but should be pragmatic in their measures to achieve the best results for immigrants.

Ich bin ein Inmigrante

‘Once I thought to write a history of the immigrants in America. Then I discovered that immigrants were America.’ - Oscar Handlin

America is not without shortcomings in providing for its immigrants. True equality of opportunity can only be achieved with the shattering of glass ceilings, and there are numerous social barriers that still need to be overcome. To this date, the highest office in the country, that of the President of the United States, can only be held by someone born on American soil. And yet America remains the land of opportunity for so many people. The immigrants in America are integrated far better than those in Europe, because Americans are conscious of the fact that they were all immigrants once. And America has benefitted greatly from this. It gets physics from Einstein, political theory from Arendt, movies from Ang Lee, eye-candy from Maggie Q, and literature from Junot Diaz. The fact that Irish-Catholic immigrants like the Kennedys could become America’s most prominent family, that an Austrian immigrant like Arnold Schwarzenegger could become Governor of California, and that a black man born in Hawaii and raised in Indonesia could become President, is a testament to this tradition.

I am the product of migration. It was through migration that my ancestors from Fujian province in China came to live in Malaysia. It is through migration that I have been able to grow up in Malaysia and study in Britain and America, and it is through migration that I have had the privilege of learning from people from all over the world. My accent is a bastard mix of British, American, and Malaysian. My upbringing was a schizophrenic blend of liberalism and Asian Tiger Mom style parenting. I revel in living in a mixed-up world and having a mixed-up self.29 I have tried to live consistently with the principles advocated in this essay. Where in my life I have failed I have accepted it and tried to learn from my mistakes. Where I have succeeded, I have taken pride in the knowledge of having done so myself, not needing any legal crutch to prop me up. The only right I have demanded is the right to a fair contest. I think that the right to fair competition is the only thing we can and should expect.

Footnote: 1 US Department of State Background Notes: Malaysia –http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2777.htm 2 Ibid. 3 Ibid. 4 Mariam Mokhtar, ‘Malaysia’s Brain Drain’, Asia Sentinel, Feb 2010 –http://www.asiasentinel.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2308&Itemid=199 5 Ibid. 6 James Chow, ‘Malaysia Countering ‘Brain Drain’ Immigration Conflicts’, The Epoch Times, July 2010 – http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/39453/ 7 Mariam Mokhtar, ‘Malaysia’s Brain Drain’, Asia Sentinel, Feb 2010 –http://www.asiasentinel.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2308&Itemid=199 8 James Chow, ‘Malaysia Countering ‘Brain Drain’ Immigration Conflicts’, The Epoch Times, July 2010 – http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/39453/ 9 V Vasudevan, ‘106,000 give up citizenship’, New Straits Times, Nov 2007 –http://findarticles.com/p/news-articles/new-straits-times/mi_8016/is_20071122/106000-citizenship/ai_n44378958/ 10 ‘Najib kickstarts bid to reverse brain drain’, The Malaysian Insider, Oct 2010 –http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-kickstarts-bid-to-reverse-brain-drain/ 11 Ibid. 12 The CIA World Factbook: Singapore and Malaysia –https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/theworld-factbook/geos/sn.html https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/my.html 13 Edwin Yapp, ‘The brain drain issue revisited’, The Malaysian Insider, March 2011 –http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/opinion/article/the-brain-drain-issue-revisited/ 14 Mariam Mokhtar, ‘Malaysia’s Brain Drain’, Asia Sentinel, Feb 2010 –http://www.asiasentinel.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2308&Itemid=199 15 Ibid. 16 Liz Gooch, ‘Loss of Young Talent Thwarts Malaysia’s Growth’, The New York Times, Oct 2010 – http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/business/global/02brain.html?_r=1 17 Ibid. 18 Ibid. 19 Ibid. 20 ‘MACC hauls up Khir Toyo over Mickey Mouse, Bali house’, Sin Chew Daily, Sept 2009 – http://www.mysinchew.com/node/29264 21 http://www.petronastwintowers.com.my/internet/pett/pettweb.nsf/frm_home_hi?OpenFrameset 22 Karen Chapman, ‘UM drops from top 200 list of world ranking’, The Star, Sept 2010 – http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/9/8/nation/6999421&sec=nation 23 Beh Lih Yi, ‘Malaysia struggles to stem ‘brain drain’’, Agence France Presse, Dec 2010 –http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gTSUzIQFE9P3yjqnUPc1aEyEA2kA?docId=CNG.59093f18282e8696a978af9849d18ab8.3f1 24 Ibid. 25 Jonathan Kent, ‘Malaysian ‘convert’ claims cruelty’, BBC, July 2007 –http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asiapacific/6278568.stm 26 ‘Malaysia Valentine’s Day raids lead to mass arrests’, BBC, Feb 2011 –http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-12466875 27 Alea Nasihin, ‘Dilemmas of a young Malaysian abroad’, The Malaysian Insider, Feb 2011 – http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/breakingviews/article/dilemmas-of-a-young-malaysian-abroad-aleanasihin-loyarburok.com/ 28 Daniel A Bell, Beyond Liberal Democracy: Political Thinking for an East Asian Context, 2006, p 17 – http://press.princeton.edu/chapters/s8305.pdf 29 This phrase comes from Jeremy Waldron, in ‘Minority Cultures and the Cosmopolitan Alternative’, 25 University of Michigan Journal of Law Reform, 751, 1992.

End

Bibliography

Alea Nasihin, ‘Dilemmas of a young Malaysian abroad’, The Malaysian Insider, Feb 2011 – http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/breakingviews/article/dilemmas-of-a-youngmalaysian-abroad-alea-nasihin-loyarburok.com/

Beh Lih Yi, ‘Malaysia struggles to stem ‘brain drain’’, Agence France Presse, Dec 2010 –http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gTSUzIQFE9P3yjqnUPc1aEyEA2kA?docId=CNG.59093f18282e8696a978af9849d18ab8.3f1

The CIA World Factbook: Singapore and Malaysia – https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/sn.html https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/my.html

Daniel A Bell, Beyond Liberal Democracy: Political Thinking for an East Asian Context, 2006, p 17 – http://press.princeton.edu/chapters/s8305.pdf

Edwin Yapp, ‘The brain drain issue revisited’, The Malaysian Insider, March 2011 –http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/opinion/article/the-brain-drain-issue-revisited/

http://www.petronastwintowers.com.my/internet/pett/pettweb.nsf/frm_home_hi?OpenFrameset

James Chow, ‘Malaysia Countering ‘Brain Drain’ Immigration Conflicts’, The Epoch Times, July 2010 – http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/39453/

Jeremy Waldron, in ‘Minority Cultures and the Cosmopolitan Alternative’, 25 University of Michigan Journal of Law Reform, 751, 1992.

Jonathan Kent, ‘Malaysian ‘convert’ claims cruelty’, BBC, July 2007 –http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6278568.stm

Karen Chapman, ‘UM drops from top 200 list of world ranking’, The Star, Sept 2010 –http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/9/8/nation/6999421&sec=nation

Liz Gooch, ‘Loss of Young Talent Thwarts Malaysia’s Growth’, The New York Times, Oct 2010 – http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/business/global/02brain.html?_r=1

‘MACC hauls up Khir Toyo over Mickey Mouse, Bali house’, Sin Chew Daily, Sept 2009 –http://www.mysinchew.com/node/29264

‘Malaysia Valentine’s Day raids lead to mass arrests’, BBC, Feb 2011 –http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-12466875

Mariam Mokhtar, ‘Malaysia’s Brain Drain’, Asia Sentinel, Feb 2010 –http://www.asiasentinel.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2308&Itemid=199

‘Najib kickstarts bid to reverse brain drain’, The Malaysian Insider, Oct 2010 –http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/malaysia/article/najib-kickstarts-bid-to-reversebrain-drain/

US Department of State Background Notes: Malaysia –http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2777.htm

V Vasudevan, ‘106,000 give up citizenship’, New Straits Times, Nov 2007 –http://findarticles.com/p/news-articles/new-straitstimes/mi_8016/is_20071122/106000-citizenship/ai_n44378958/

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